I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
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He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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