So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
