you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no