I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"