I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.