puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees