Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.

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  (+44): Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock. http://tfl.nu/vs51
  Replies (110) Good night (1255) Bad night (13744)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet

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  (239): Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet http://tfl.nu/je6a
  Replies (30) Good night (1064) Bad night (8869)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you

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  (310): I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you http://tfl.nu/5bao
  Replies (20) Good night (5066) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to

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  (502): They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut. (808): oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to http://tfl.nu/7uxf
  Replies (7) Good night (3324) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.

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  (541): You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER. http://tfl.nu/wjgj
  Replies (5) Good night (1696) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards

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  (347): When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards http://tfl.nu/auk4
  Replies (10) Good night (1553) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?

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  (530): Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning? http://tfl.nu/vtt9
  Replies (3) Good night (568) Bad night (1381)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises

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  (415): What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises http://tfl.nu/lzak
  Replies (4) Good night (1418) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.

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  (785): That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA. http://tfl.nu/53zt
  Replies (4) Good night (1499) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.

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  (+31): Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night. http://tfl.nu/bd92
  Replies (0) Good night (711) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.

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  (406): Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on. http://tfl.nu/kjpy
  Replies (3) Good night (828) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.

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  (540): This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus. http://tfl.nu/cdhc
  Replies (1) Good night (325) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...

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  (705): He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed... http://tfl.nu/v5ft
  Replies (4) Good night (599) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito

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  (585): I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito http://tfl.nu/77vh
  Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.

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  (763): I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm. http://tfl.nu/0q0k
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (259)

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