Texts From Last Night

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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  this medicine is soooo good.

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  (865): i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone. (865): the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now" (865): this medicine is soooo good. http://tfl.nu/gt3j
  Replies (3) Good night (1410) Bad night (392)
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  (858): View more from California

  I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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  (858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association. http://tfl.nu/vbvm
  Replies (15) Good night (4232) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.

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  (403): just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong. http://tfl.nu/sr7f
  Replies (19) Good night (2181) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.

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  (443): she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates. http://tfl.nu/n2n2
  Replies (5) Good night (2183) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.

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  (817): Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer. http://tfl.nu/3l5u
  Replies (6) Good night (2919) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"

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  (845): I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl" http://tfl.nu/lnr2
  Replies (5) Good night (1155) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Come down off the roof.

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  (847): Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go. (314): Come down off the roof. http://tfl.nu/d3mp
  Replies (3) Good night (1853) Bad night (559)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity

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  (423): Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity http://tfl.nu/dliq
  Replies (2) Good night (744) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money

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  (647): I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money http://tfl.nu/kbmq
  Replies (10) Good night (614) Bad night (1364)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.

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  (773): Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass. http://tfl.nu/m2gp
  Replies (6) Good night (1240) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.

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  (330): I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one. http://tfl.nu/be90
  Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (1221)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.

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  (414): I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest. http://tfl.nu/z09j
  Replies (4) Good night (637) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.

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  (219): Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts? (219): Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy. http://tfl.nu/z832
  Replies (10) Good night (346) Bad night (1099)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.

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  (607): I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know. http://tfl.nu/l46m
  Replies (3) Good night (854) Bad night (373)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.

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  (708): Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway. http://tfl.nu/5xxq
  Replies (0) Good night (351) Bad night (172) Order T-Shirt

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