Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?