I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
