I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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