i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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