My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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