hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
