Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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