So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
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Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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