How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
