And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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