So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
