Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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