I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
pop tarts are not kleenex
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
