No, you can still breathe under the balls.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
