margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
