Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
