guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Congratulations! We have a period
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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