forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
