i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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