I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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