I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
