She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
