it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
