uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
