I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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