I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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