I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
