She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
