We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
