you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
