U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I CAN MOONWALK!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
