i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
someone owes me an orgasm
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
