1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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