Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
