we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
