If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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