Your face is a jimmy john
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
