Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize