My pussy is not your playground.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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