Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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