I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
