Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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