Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
