I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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