Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
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He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize