If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
