whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
