I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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