Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize