If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
