Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
