I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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