we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
