____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
