Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
