dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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